My Bean Bucket

I've often described myself as having a "bean bucket" internally that I place things and cope, much like the game Don't Spill The Beans. I don't tend to blow up much and can roll with the punches pretty well. But......everything that happens to me or that I "take" from someone goes into the respective bucket. My gut seems to be filled with buckets and everyone has their own. The problem is that once a bucket is full.....I'm done.....stick a fork in me...DONE. Some things that are done to me are lima beans and some are small peas, and it very well may be a small pea that finally fills the bucket and tips it over. I say this all because yesterday my bucket tipped over. I'm not going to write the gorry (sp?) details but it's made me think about the "wiring" of ME. I'm prepared to walk away from a location that has been a vital part of my life for almost 6 years now because my bucket is full and there's really nothing I can make myself do about it. Of course, it will all appear as if I got "mad" about one small incident but I can't worry about that. I don't know that this place will ever be a "safe" place for me emotionally again so I need to walk away. I have a committment to teach a class next week and I will honor that. The tough part is that Preston has 8 more weeks, once a week, to be there for a program that I believe is very beneficial to him. If need be, I will suck it up for those additional 8 Tuesday nights in order for him to complete this program but I will try to get Dana to take him, as this is still a "safe" place for both of them.

I'm going to try it

It seems like everyone is blogging and my brain is so full that it needs to vomit, so I'm going to try this venue. I know the name is crude, but I couldn't think of anything else and, like I said, my brain is so full that it needs to vomit. I've been teetering between starting a blog and posting on caringbridge and I still may do both. I think caringbridge is more for the medical issues and this could be my own random thoughts. Hopefully, I can find the time (or more like *make* the time) to do both. Dana has a lot of people that want to check on him and it often wears me out talking about it and blogging could be a good solution. But....for tonight....it's after 10 and I need to get to bed so I can be fresh and ready for Preston's antics tomorrow.